In Fight Club, Tyler Durton says to the other men,
“You are not special. You’re not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We’re all part of the same compost heap. We’re all singing, all dancing crap of the world.”
I see this as a quote that pokes fun at people’s ridiculous need to feel special & a society that encourages it. For the author, Chuck Palahniuk, he said “a lifetime of disingenuous, one-size-fits-all praise had kept most of my peers from pushing hard to achieve any actual triumphs”. And as expected, a large theme in the book is around shifting away from this false self-absorbed reality towards a focus on real shared experiences and community.
But why do people want to feel special? And why is it harmful to ones life?
I believe this comes from a combination of things. Partially wanting to not feel inferior, wanting to feel powerful, wanting to feel proud, & wanting to feeling like we matter by not having to face existential un-importance.
But the real issue lies in the fact that this belief leads to isolation. If you are truly special, then you are inherently alone in that. Like described in Adlerian Psychology, the need to feel special can lead to a superiority complex which is really a mask for an inferiority complex. These outcomes only result in a self-imposed isolation & prevent us from the benefits of community feeling.
This special feeling also applies to negative traits. For example, someone who may feel that their problem is unique may also believe that no one can help them or understand. This is a powerful excuse & another form of superiority complex that separates themselves from other.
Stop caring about feeling special. It is more beneficial to focus on how you can connect with others instead. Express your authentic identity but don’t compare yourself with others. Instead focus on the commonalities & shared experience.
Related Resources: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snowflake_%28slang%29 Alfred Adler’s Theory of Superiority and Inferiority Existentialist Perspective - Jean-Paul Sartre & Martin Heidegger Community Feeling - Alfred Adler